Girl

gunshotglitter7 @ 2006-05-17T11:27:00

2006-05-17T10:29:41Z

good old anorexia, never quite leaves your side

So I'm older, and a little wiser and maybe even a little happier. I've managed to maintain a fairly low weight, thanks to a heavy amphetamine addiction and a boyfriend who eats practically nothing anyway.

Currently 110lbs, next week 107lbs.

I apologise for thinking I could recover and not realising that this thing inside me won't ever go away.

gunshotglitter7 @ 2005-03-25T10:16:00

2005-03-25T10:19:17Z

so when I stopped posting on this LJ I was 105lbs I think. I'm now in the 90's but still not happy, I don't think I'll ever be happy. I was 95 during early March but my mum went psycho and started feeding me, I can't hurt her so I ate, I'm up to 99. I have to get back down again, but I have to do it quietly so nobody starts worrying again, I don't want to hurt them, I just hate being fat. Hope everyone's doing ok
Much Love
x

gunshotglitter7 @ 2005-03-22T12:00:00

2005-03-22T12:02:11Z

I thought I could do it, but I looked in the mirror yesterday and realised I still need this. I'm up by 4 lbs since I started comfort eating. I have to get back on track, vegetable broth is bubbling on the stove as we speak. I have the strength for this inside me somewhere. At least 3 lbs lighter by next tuesday.

peace

gunshotglitter7 @ 2005-02-04T15:46:00

2005-02-04T15:50:26Z

I never binge, I hate binging, I like to think I have more self control than that. But today I found out my grandad is dying, he will be dead by the end of the month, my last living grandparent will be dead. I was trying to find something that would help to relieve the pressure I'm feeling,I thought about cutting but it's been too long and all the scars have healed and I know I couldnt bring myself to go back to that dark place again. So I ate, I ate all the things I havent allowed my body to consume for so long, as punishment to myself I'm going to list them so I can see just what a weak and stupid person I am; 3 chocolate biscuits, 2 slices of toast with butter, 2 veggie hot dogs, 1 small potato, 1 bowl of cerealand 1 special K bar. I dont even want to think about how many calories that is, I dont think I can handle it. I can feel it squirming its way through my body and straight onto my fat stomach, my fat legs, my fat arms. If I could curl up and go to sleep and never have to wake up and face anything again it would be perfection.

gunshotglitter7 @ 2004-12-04T21:27:00

2004-12-04T21:33:01Z

dont get me wrong, I love my family. But for dinner my dad made him and mum steak, fried potatoes, fried onions and cream sauce. Now they're eating apple pie and custard. Jesus christ, the smells are making me feel so sick. My dad puts me not eating with them down to the fact I'm vegetarian, my custom phrase is 'I'll make something later, dont worry', then hope they dont notice when I dont eat. I had 600 cals today, and exercised for an hour, that's ok I guess. I weighed myself and I'm 119 today, so I have 19lbs (at least) to go before I reach my target weight. I've decided to set myself rewards, I'm gonna buy a load of really cute, retro tees when I get down to my TW, my arms and tummy will be nice and skinny so I wont feel so bulky wearing t-shirts. 19lbs , I can do this.